Sunday, 31 July 2016

I Don't Know What to Do...


Let me start by saying this is the first personal post I have ever done. I am reluctant in writing it as I hate having any negativity what so ever on my blog but at the end of the day I haven't been able to stop thinking about this topic for the past 2 months. I feel like getting my thoughts out in the open will help me and hopefully other people can resonate with how i'm feeling and know that they are not alone.

Incase you didn't know, I am 18 and finished my final year at college in June, the next step in my education and the 'modern day norm' is for me to go to University. The thing is, I am absolutely terrified about that, however not for the reasons you may think.

Like many people my age I have no idea what to path to choose to go down, i'm torn between doing the 'right' thing or doing what I think I want to do that could actually result in me having a fairly unsuccessful and uninspiring future. Here are the paths I am struggling to pick between:

Going to University and Studying International Business for 4 Years
I have applied to study International business (with a year in industry) at degree level at the University of Sussex, as long as my results in August meet the entry requirements I will secure a place to study there. The problem with this is that I don't think I'm as passionate about my course anymore as I was when I first picked to study it. I can change my course after I get my results however I don't particularly feel drawn to any degree what so ever... As a career I'm not even sure what I want to do, I'd love to write for a magazine (like Hello, or OK!) or work in advertising but as far as my subject choices and the research i've done i'm not 'well suited' to the roles, not to mention those industries are incredibly hard to get into in the first place! At the end of the day I am terrified that not only am I potentially going to waste £37,000 in tuition fees alone but also four years of my life doing something I don't even think I am that interested in.

Getting a Degree Level Apprenticeship in the Corporate Industry
Degree level apprenticeships are growing massively in the UK. The reason this path worries me is because I have already declined two incredible offers with world renowned companies for reasons similar as to why I am apprehensive about going to University. The apprenticeships both offered degrees in financial aspects, not only would I gain a degree but I would be learning on the job and earning £20,000 per year which really isn't bad whatsoever for an 18 year-old. I feel awful for making it through so many stages only to reject the opportunity that could have essentially set my career up for life. If I was someone that picked going with their head over their heart then I'm sure I would have gone for it without a second thought, but I have never been that person. To summarise, the main reason why I am struggling with this option is because I worry I have made the wrong decision and should try again.

Deferring My Uni Place and Pursuing Other Aspects
This is my third and final option. It basically involves me finding a basic full-time job, probably in retail, and pursuing things like my blog, maybe even youtube, while earning a small living and saving up my money to invest in myself as an entrepreneur. The main problem with this is that I am fairly certain that if I defer my uni place I will end up never going. I would love to know for certain if one day blogging could become my full-time job but I am faced with the sad realism that the blogging industry isn't what it once was.  To be successful you have to have a certain look, certain character, much like being a model or a music artist really. I am faced with the decision of a calculated risk, I just don't know if it is worth it.

The biggest problem I am facing however that feeds into all of these options is that I feel so incredibly unmotivated and uninspired at the moment and I have no idea how to change that. I remember in February I was so incredibly excited to go to Sussex uni and start student life but for some reason that excitement has fizzled out, not completely however. The thought of meeting loads of new people and the 'uni experience' really does excite me, it is my course and moving away from my dog and boyfriend that don't. I simply just don't feel like doing any of these options even though I am not a lazy person in the slightest. Making a decision has been eating me alive for what feels like forever, I understand I am lucky to have different paths to go down but that doesn't make it any easier. At the end of the day we spend the majority of our lives working in a career, I don't want to spend those years hating going to bed on a Sunday evening, dreading the week I am going to have to endure before I get another break.

If you are in a similar boat or have any wisdom/experiences to share then please do not be afraid to comment below, i'd really appreciate it!

Thanks for reading,
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